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Are you a man and intimidated by conversations about abortion? - Resource List
Links mentioned in Jon’s post (above):
“A Woman’s Response to ‘Men Can’t Talk about Abortion’” (Rebekah Dyer, Human Defense Initiative)
Aubree Changes Her Mind
Above, I talk with “Aubree” at UT Dallas in early March, before COVID-19 cancellations.
On February 7th, I began serving as a Spring 2020 Intern with Justice For All. Before COVID-19 forced us to cancel the events JFA had planned for later in the spring, I was able to travel to Texas three times for outreach events at the University of North Texas, Trinity University, University of Texas at San Antonio, and University of Texas at Dallas.
One of the most memorable interactions I had this spring was at UT Dallas. A young woman I’ll call “Aubree” came up to our poll table that asked, “Should Abortion Remain Legal?” As she signed the Yes side, I approached her and asked her what she thought about abortion. Aubree proceeded to tell me she didn’t like abortion, but she thought it should be legal because making a law against abortion would cause more women to get hurt. She expressed the concern that even if we made abortion illegal, women would die in back-alley abortions, and it wouldn’t really prevent abortion at all. She went on to explain she also believes life begins at conception and that abortion kills an innocent human being.
There are many people like Aubree who claim to be pro-life, believe the unborn is human like you and me, and yet believe that abortion should be legal. The problem with this is multi-faceted. First, they are telling you abortion is killing an innocent human but that abortion should still be legal. Then they often support this with a second statement like the back-alley abortion claim.
Above, I am shown talking with a pro-choice student at Trinity University in February.
The challenge in this view is that to some extent there is truth to it. Having a law against abortion won’t stop all abortions. Laws do not prevent all people from engaging in a particular action, but that does not mean we should not have legislation against a particular act if it is harming or killing another person.
I began to walk through her concerns with her, and we applied her reasoning for keeping abortion legal to other issues. Laws against child abuse and rape do not prevent all those crimes from occurring, but they do mitigate the behavior. In addition, laws reflect what our society values. If we did not have laws against child abuse and rape, that would reveal a disturbing culture that does not have concern for the wellbeing of vulnerable people victimized by these evil acts. In the same way, if abortion is killing an innocent human being (which it is), then we should have laws against it.
Another helpful way to process this is to imagine we were talking about women having the right to kill their newborns. Imagine that someone argues that infanticide should be legal and safe for women because if it were illegal, women would just get hurt in back alleys trying to kill their newborns. This helps to clarify the point and keep the discussion on one central question: What is the unborn?
Of course we don’t want women to die in “back-alley abortions,” and we should take measures to help women not desire to take that risk. But because abortion is killing an innocent human being, it should not remain legal.
Towards the end of my conversation with Aubree, we began discussing women’s rights, and I remarked how I thought it was sad that the idea of women’s rights is so interconnected with abortion. “Oftentimes, abortion kills another woman [at the embryonic or fetal stage]. Our ability to be free and equal does not come from our ability to kill other weaker, vulnerable, unborn women. If we really care about women, why do we not fight for all women in all stages of their existence? It seems odd to me that we only fight for a specific group of women, and we tell some of them that they have the right to kill another woman if she gets in their way.”
“When I made that connection it was like a light bulb went on in her mind. Before leaving, she asked “Can I change my answer?””
When I made that connection it was like a light bulb went on in her mind. Before leaving, she asked “Can I change my answer?” Walking back to the poll table, she signed the No side of our poll, and we cordially parted ways.
Many people think the same way Aubree thought before our conversation, and they just need someone to gently point out the flawed reasoning in their beliefs. When the truth is communicated in a loving manner, sometimes they are willing to change their views to fit the truth. This is encouraging to witness.
As Christians, learning how to communicate the truth to a watching world is crucial. We are told to “walk in wisdom towards outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” (Col. 4:5-6 ESV). May we all be willing and ready to communicate the truth to a lost world.
A Note to My Support Team
(Originally shared along with this story in April 2020)
Dear Friends,
Since traveling is no longer an option this spring, I have been working with the JFA team as we seek to reach people using other means. I have been helping JFA launch its Instagram account (@picturejusticeforall) while trying to get into conversations via direct message with people on that forum. I presented a portion of an online JFA interactive workshop this past week, and I’ll also be helping with online training events in the coming weeks (see www.jfaweb.org/calendar). In addition, please go to my JFA page to find links to articles I have published recently with Human Defense Initiative and Merely Human Ministries.
We continue to engage in compassionate dialogue with the purpose of glorifying God and communicating to people the value and dignity in every human life. Thank you for your friendship, support, and prayers. It is much easier to do this work knowing I have people like you who have my back.
In Christ,
Rebekah Dyer
A Different Kind of Conversation
JFA Intern Rebekah Dyer wrote a timely and timeless piece at Human Defense Initiative: “A Different Kind of Conversation.” It’s a much-needed, short read, especially given the unrest and tension in the culture right now.
One Conversation Changes One Life
Impact Report - December 2019
Rebekah Dyer traveled to five states to participate in six JFA outreach events in 2019 (University of New Mexico in March, UCLA in May, Benedictine College and University of Kansas in September, University of Oklahoma and University of Arizona in November). She is a big encouragement to everyone on the JFA team. In this Impact Report, she tells about one of her favorite conversations from the year, in which God gifted her with a glimpse of the impact He was making through her efforts. Rebekah is also a prolific writer, posting regularly at the Human Defense Initiative. - Steve Wagner, Executive Director
Rebekah interacts with a student at JFA’s University of Arizona outreach in November 2019.
The most encouraging conversation I had this year was at the University of Arizona in November. I spoke with “Joe,” a young man who expressed his support for abortion being legal because he saw it as being a “necessary evil” that could prevent suffering in the future. When I began to ask him questions to further understand his position, I found out he had a close friend who grew up in foster care where he suffered abuse and needed therapy and counseling for the mental trauma he went through. It became clear that Joe wanted abortion legal because he didn’t want people to suffer. As misguided as it was, I realized that he was actually a compassionate person who didn’t want people to suffer like his friend. He was just channeling that compassion in support of something that is not compassionate at all—abortion.
Rebekah (center) and another JFA volunteer who traveled to participate, Enrico (left), are pictured here in conversation with a student at JFA’s University of Arizona outreach in November 2019.
I commended him for his compassion and desire to be a good friend and then I asked how his friend was doing. Once we spoke about things that were a little more personal, I then proceeded to gently make the case that suffering does not justify killing someone no matter what stage of life he/she is in. I asked him if he believed it would be okay to kill a two-year-old in foster care who we knew would suffer a lot? He said no. I then applied that to the issue of abortion: just because humans endure suffering and some grow up in horrible environments, it does not follow that someone else has the right to end that person’s life to prevent future suffering. Suffering does not diminish a person’s value or right to life. We should be caring for the suffering and vulnerable more; not advocating that someone should be able to decide that someone else should die at an earlier stage of life.
Rebekah interacts with a University of Oklahoma student at the JFA Free Speech Board in early November.
We exchanged a few words about our personal lives and then we parted ways. Later that day, I was told by a JFA staff person that Joe came back to the exhibit and told her he had changed his mind on supporting abortion after speaking with me!
It made me think of all the other people impacted by conversations that don’t come back to tell us. I don’t know what the tipping point was for him in our conversation. I do know that his change of heart was something God did. Not me. I am acutely aware that my words and what I say have no power in themselves to change anyone. Being able to see changed hearts on this issue is very rare. God is working behind the scenes in the hearts of the people in front of us. Every once in awhile, He allows us to see the work He is doing by the power of the Holy Spirit.
At a recent outreach event, Rebekah and JFA Director Steve Wagner spoke at length with a young woman who turned out to be very receptive not only to the pro-life position, but also to the possibility that knowing moral concepts like virtue, rights, and “ought” can be as real and “solid” (or, indeed, more “solid”) as scientific knowledge.
God uses all of our interactions with people—the good ones and the really hard ones. Oftentimes, it is very difficult to see His hand in the work up close as so many people seem so hardened in their support for abortion. It can be difficult to feel like I’m kept in the dark as to the results—to feel like no matter what I say and do, nothing changes for the most part. I need to remind myself that my feelings are often not good indicators of what is true. God is working in the hearts of people, and He will accomplish His purpose through imperfect servants who are willing to step out and have a conversation about a difficult issue.
Without Jesus, people are hopeless and lost. Wherever we are, and with whomever we speak, “we are ambassadors for Christ, God making His appeal through us” (II Cor. 5:20). Only in Him are we set free. And when the Son sets us free, we are free indeed (John 8:36).
- Rebekah Dyer, JFA Volunteer