start the conversation

"I'll never know you. I never got a chance..."

The letter and rose, shown below as a part of JFA's Stop and Think Exhibit, were originally found on a JFA Poll Table at Colorado State University in 2004.  This panel was first displayed at Colorado State University in 2016 in approximately the same location where the note was originally left.

Photo by Katherine Clark

The letter reads:

Dear Rilegh,
I will never know you
I never got a chance
But I love you so much
She was never going to tell me about you
She was going to pretend you never existed
When she told me
I was truly speechless
Iv never cryed myself to sleep before
But for the past 2 weeks
It’s the only way I’m able to sleep
Theres this void in my life now
a bottomless hurt
that I’ll never know you
you, my first child
I’ll never see you grow
I can’t bring you back
I don’t even know where you are
So I gave you a home
You’ll be with me forever
I love you so much
Your Father
Rest in Peace

Many women and men (such as the writer of this letter) deal with grief following an experience with abortion.  No matter where you currently stand on the moral question of abortion, consider these questions for a few moments:

  • How do you feel when you read this letter? Can you empathize with the writer's experience?

  • Do you know anyone who has had an experience with abortion? Have you ever asked if he/she would like to talk about it?

  • How do you think that the current US laws and social norms related to abortion affect people struggling with grief after abortion?

  • Do you believe that a father's wishes should have more weight than they currently do in an abortion decision? Why or why not?

  • The writer intended this letter for his child, but states that the mother "was going to pretend [the child] never existed." Do you believe this father really had a child? Why or why not?

  • When in development does the unborn deserve legal protection?

Share your thoughts on any of these questions in the comments section below, at our @7conversations Twitter page, or at JFA’s Instagram page in the comments section of the related post

(See also JFA's "Healing after Abortion" page for more resources for helping friends with abortion in their past.)

She's Not Sure What to Think.... How About You?

When asked about her views on abortion, this student shares mixed feelings.

Do you have a clear view on abortion, or are you not totally sure what to think?

What factors contribute to your certainty or uncertainty?

(Warning: Graphic image briefly in view) "When are we human?" "What is the basis for human rights?" and "Should we 'impose' our morality on the government?" CK Wisner discusses these questions related to abortion with a student at CSU.

Lunch with an Abortion Doctor

I recently came across this short, intriguing story from John Ensor at PassionLife: “Lunch with an Abortion Doctor.” It raises some interesting questions that could be useful for conversations between pro-choice and pro-life friends (see below). Here’s the story:

Photo by Igor Starkov on Unsplash(Click on the image above to read “Lunch with an Abortion Doctor” by John Ensor.)

Photo by Igor Starkov on Unsplash

(Click on the image above to read “Lunch with an Abortion Doctor” by John Ensor.)

In Oradea, Romania, Mihaela and Gabby Visan run a pregnancy help center inside a women’s hospital.

Their effectiveness is severely limited by one fact: women must pay for their abortion before they can talk to anyone, committing them to abortion, even if they arrive ambivalent. So the counseling service is effectively cut out of the patient flow.

To address this, we had lunch with the main abortion doctor at the hospital. His girlfriend also joined us.

He sat down and started talking…

What Do You Think?

  • What should informed consent look like for those considering abortion?

  • Do you think it’s a good thing for pregnant mothers to see accurate imagery of the unborn (e.g. an ultrasound, in-utero footage such as content available at EHD.org, or imagery of the unborn after abortion) before making an abortion decision? Why or why not?

Blue Hair and Abortion

The truth about Prenatal Genetic Testing. #JustSaying #WorldDownSyndromeDay

A genetic abnormality detected (or presumed to exist) through prenatal genetic testing is a common reason for considering abortion. What do you think about abortion in this case?

To continue the conversation, read and share this 2018 JFA blog post about Iceland, a country where those with Down syndrome are almost never born.

Is Pregnancy Like Organ Donation?

Many people say that choosing abortion is morally equivalent to withdrawing life support - simply choosing to “not help” the unborn. Helping may be admirable, they say, but to “not help” is not the same as killing. It is as reasonable as declining to donate your blood or organs to someone in critical need.

In the ERI video below, Timothy Brahm makes a 12-minute case that this neutral “not help” option does not exist with pregnancy as it does with blood and organ donation scenarios.

Do you think that choosing abortion is a neutral choice, simply declining to support the unborn with your body? What do you think of Tim’s response to this view?

Is Every Child a Work of Art?

We really like this shirt design. Here are a few questions it brings to our minds.

What do you think?

  • Do you think every human being is a work of art?

  • Can optimism like this provide some common ground which can help with the discussion of solutions for unintended pregnancy?

  • If you think every human being is a work of art, how does that inform your position on when human rights begin?

  • Do these questions affect your position on abortion?

  • Is it helpful to use / allude to artwork in order to create dialogue about abortion, or does it seem manipulative to you?

About the T-Shirt that Inspired this Post:

The picture above is a t-shirt design made available through Abort73, and created by artist Tori Higa.  The drawing of a little girl alludes to Frida Kahlo, an unexpected source of inspiration for a pro-life message like the one written directly underneath it.  Michael Spielman, the founder and director of Abort73.com explains: 

In referencing Kahlo's likeness on behalf of a politically incorrect cause, my hope is to continue her legacy of challenging perceptions and turning stereotypes on their head. You may look at our new design and see nothing but a cute little girl; I see an opportunity for dialogue and introspection—with a cautiously optimistic nod to the future. 

To read more about the purpose and origin of the design, see Michael Spielman's article, "Frida Kahlo and the Art of Abortion."

Justice For All was inspired by a similar concept when creating "The Art of Life", an open air exhibit which made its first appearances at Colorado State University (CSU) and the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) in 2016. (See images below, or read about all the panels by clicking here.)  Responses to JFA's new exhibit have spanned a wide range, from support and excitement to disgust and anger.

What do you think (Part 2)?  

  • Is it helpful to use / allude to famous artwork in order to create dialogue about abortion, or does it seem manipulative to you?

  • What other works of art have influenced you when thinking about the meaning and value of life?

  • If human beings are a work of art, do you think that means there is an “artist”?

Watch this Conversation

Filmed during a JFA outreach event at Colorado State University, JFA trainer Rebecca Hotovy and Julia create a different kind of conversation. Why not share this with a friend and ask, “Have you ever been a part of a conversation about unintended pregnancy and abortion like this one?”

You can also view and share this conversation on Facebook.

Credits: Chris Germain (filming, editing) & Joanna Bai (editing, subtitles)

Video: "Why Equal Rights?" (Outreach Clip)

Watch Rebecca Hotovy talk with a student at Colorado State University about the foundation for our equal rights.

What do you think of Rebecca’s reasoning?

Watch Rebecca Hotovy (Haschke) talk with a student at Colorado State University about the foundation for our equal rights. --- Read Outreach Stories: www.jfaweb.org/stories Ask About an Internship: www.jfaweb.org/internships Explore JFA's Guide for Pro-Life Students: www.jfaweb.org/students/ccc Video by: Genesis Media (www.genesismediasolutions.com)

Damien Hirst Sculptures Back on Display in Doha

Opposite Poles?

We think Conor Friedersdorf is right (see below). People aren't as different on abortion as they sometimes appear. One idea: Don't let labels like "pro-choice" and "pro-life" be walls preventing genuine dialogue. Asking questions about abortion in specific circumstances and stages of pregnancy can help a lot.

Liz Harman's Interview: A Lesson I Didn't Expect to Learn

Liz Harman of Princeton University joins James and Eliot to talk about the ethics of abortion.

Back in August 2017, my Facebook newsfeed was peppered throughout with mocking criticisms of Elizabeth (Liz) Harman's appearance on Philosophy Time, a series of philosophy-themed interviews featuring actor James Franco and his co-host Eliot Michaelson (see video embedded in this post).  Harman's ideas came under such scrutiny partly because of her position at Princeton University as the Laurance S. Rockefeller Professor of Philosophy and the University Center for Human Values.  I'll admit, after viewing her interview, I was also unimpressed and mystified that someone so distinguished could represent what seemed to me to be to be a totally incoherent position.

Recently, I read a response written by Sherif Girgis, a graduate of Yale Law School and PhD candidate in Philosophy at Princeton.  Girgis disagrees with Harman's argument, which makes the title of his article all the more intriguing: "In Defense of Elizabeth Harman: Taking Pro-Choice Philosophers Seriously."  As a former student of Harman's during his undergraduate years at Princeton, Girgis starts his article with a stinging critique, not for Harman, but for the pro-life advocates who have ridiculed her and her arguments since the release of the video on July 25th.

Reading Girgis' article was a humbling, poignant reminder to me of the importance of listening to understand, even when the ideas a person represents seem completely ridiculous.  All of us, pro-life and pro-choice alike, can learn from this.  I think we can also learn from Girgis's excellent critique of Harman's position - a position which he represents much more fairly than I've yet seen it represented from any other pro-life advocate since the release of Harman's Philosophy Time interview. 

Questions to Consider

  • Have you felt misrepresented in a discussion of abortion? Have you misrepresented someone else's view in pursuit of refuting it?

  • Do you agree with the point of this post that no matter what our view on abortion is, we need more "listening to understand" in discussions about abortion?

Further Reading

"I Don't Have the Money"

The photo and story below were originally posted by Exposures, "a photojournalism initiative created to share the stories we all have about abortion and its impact on our lives."

Learn More About Exposures: 
www.exposuresproject.com 
See the Original Exposures Post: 
www.instagram.com/p/z8d8R1PWiV

What Do You Think?

  • Do you think serious financial burden is an acceptable reason to get an abortion? Why or why not?

  • What other reasons (if any) for obtaining an abortion do you think are acceptable ones?

Note: To see how common this reason for abortion is, alongside other reasons, see our Facts page.