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I found him gazing into the sky

Years ago, prominent Christian philosopher J.P. Moreland was in Wichita to speak at a conference and we invited him to come to our office to engage our trainers in Q&A. A few minutes before the Q&A was to begin, J.P. wasn’t in the room with our staff. I wandered outside and found him gazing into the sky. He explained that he had to purposefully take time to give thanks.

At the start of every working day, our team pauses to pray. A common refrain among our prayers is “thank you for all of JFA’s supporters.” Like our friend J.P., we feel we must purposefully give thanks. I’d like to pause now and say these same words now in your presence: We thank God for you. We thank God for your partnership in helping at our office, in volunteering with us at outreach events, in providing space in your home for JFA activities, in providing better-than-restaurant meals and better-than-hotel accommodations for our teams on the road, and in praying persistently that God would use JFA’s efforts to finally make abortion unthinkable. You have provided funding during the pandemic and the 2020 year-end so generously and sacrificially! We are struck with awe by God’s faithfulness through you: We thank God for you.

Since that day looking up at the sky, J.P. has very publicly and very candidly revealed a bit more of why he must give thanks: he has struggled for a long time with debilitating anxiety and depression. Whether we struggle in the same way or not, would you join me in thanking God for his work through JFA? And please allow me to also say those same words to you: thank you.

The following updates from JFA trainers shows some of what God has been doing through you and JFA:

To learn more about J.P.’s book on anxiety, click here: Finding Quiet.

Please enjoy and give thanks with us!

Responding to "I can't tell other's what to do."

In “Two Buckets,” Tammy Cook shares one concept that helps people who are reluctant to say abortion should not be legal because “I can’t tell others what to do.”  Through the conversation, which Tammy shares in vivid detail, she also models a number of other important conversational tools.

An Update from JFA's Executive Director

Dear Friend of JFA,

I was amazed. During a webinar that Paul Kulas, JFA’s Director of Operations, had planned for a family of supporters in mid-April, he led us through interactive teaching related to the topics of poverty and rape. To finish the webinar, JFA intern Mary St. Hilaire shared a story of a recent campus conversation with “Liz.” The two topics Liz had been most concerned about were also poverty and rape. The story fit perfectly with what Paul had selected even though we hadn’t planned it that way. Read Mary’s story, ”A New View of Abortion…and Pro-Life Advocates,” below.

During COVID-19, our team has been hard at work creating conversations using social media and other means. In just a few weeks, we’ve discovered and tested some methods we think anyone can use to create a conversation. We’ll report soon on our blog and in a future letter.

Our team has also conducted a three-hour online workshop, and we were excited to find a way to include interactive activities using Zoom breakout rooms. We have similar online events scheduled each week in the near future, including a series of shorter sessions for those who can’t attend longer sessions. To participate, keep an eye on the social media channels below.

Our team was encouraged this past week by Henri Nouwen’s essay, “From Solitude to Community to Ministry.” You can find it online at Christianity Today and in Nouwen’s short book, A Spirituality of Living. In the solitude you may be experiencing during COVID-19, we hope that you can pause and know more clearly how Christ has called you “Beloved.” We pray you might then find unique ways to share that same love with others in this challenging time. (See I John 4:7-14.) We continue to pray for you, beloved friends. Thank you for partnering with us in prayer and financial gifts, as God gives you ability.

Steve Wagner, Executive Director


Please Pray for these Advocates and the Conversations They Created and Will Create.

UT Dallas Outreach Team (March 9-11, 2020) Missing: Kaitlyn Donihue (on plane back to MI for speaking event) and Paul Kulas (taking picture)


Recent and Upcoming Events

Recent Events - Parital List

  • February 8-12: Seminar and Outreach Events in Denton, Texas (University of North Texas)

  • February 17-19: Seminar and Outreach Events in Albuquerque, NM (University of New Mexico)

  • February 23-27: Seminar and Outreach Events in San Antonio, Texas (Trinity University and UT San Antonio)

  • March 7-11: Seminar and Outreach Events in Dallas, Texas (UT Dallas)

  • March 11: Presentation at Retreat for Council of Catholic Women - Kaitlyn Donihue

Because JFA has canceled all in-person events for the time being, we are offering JFA webinar events in various formats! Click here to register for an upcoming online event, or book a JFA webinar.

Because JFA has canceled all in-person events for the time being, we are offering JFA webinar events in various formats! Click here to register for an upcoming online event, or book a JFA webinar.

  • April 25: “Taking Abortion from Debate to Dialogue” Online Workshop

  • April 30: “Love 3: A New Roadmap for Conversations about Abortion” Webinar, 6:00-7:30 p.m. (Central Time) - Live on JFA’s Facebook Page

  • May 7: “Love 3: A New Roadmap for Conversations about Abortion” Webinar, 10:00 a.m.-11:30 p.m. (Central Time) - Live on JFA’s Facebook Page

To attend one of our upcoming webinar events, go to the JFA Calendar Page to get more information and register. We are also regularly adding new online events to the calendar, so watch for those.

COVID-19 Update from JFA

Dear Friend of JFA,

We thank God for you and are praying for you through this challenging time. Here’s an update on what’s happening with JFA in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic:

Spring Outreach Events

Mariana interacts with a student at JFA’s first-ever day of outreach at UT Dallas in early March 2020. See more pictures from this and four other recent events at our Calendar page.

Mariana interacts with a student at JFA’s first-ever day of outreach at UT Dallas in early March 2020. See more pictures from this and four other recent events at our Calendar page.

“I think that every pro lifer (and anyone who is interested or on the edge about the topic of abortion) should attend a JFA seminar. They are excellent at preparing anyone for intentional conversations.”
— Mariana, JFA Mission Trip, March 2020

We’re thanking God for the five outreach events we were able to complete in the past two months before the COVID-19 outbreak hit the US. Six mission trip participants joined our entire team as we ministered for three days at University of Texas at Dallas, and smaller teams ministered at University of North Texas, University of New Mexico, Trinity University, and University of Texas at San Antonio! See our Calendar page and social media channels for pictures.

What Outreach Is JFA Doing During the COVID-19 Outbreak?

We’re just as passionate as ever about creating productive conversations about unintended pregnancy and abortion. COVID-19 has forced us to postpone five upcoming planned outreach trips to Denver (CO), Durango (CO), Lawrence (KS), Wichita (KS), and San Diego (CA).

We’re saddened by this turn of events, but we also see this as a unique opportunity to work on an outreach project we’ve had in mind for years but to which we have not been able to give sustained attention. I’m referring to the challenge we give to audiences in virtually every presentation: “You can take what you’ve learned from us and create a conversation about abortion with someone you know.” So, every member of our training team is tackling this project while we’re forced by COVID-19 to limit our contact with people in person. We’re using social media, email, apps on our smart phones, and good old-fashioned telephone calls to engage as many people as we can in conversations one to one. Pray that we’ll learn valuable insights we can share with the people we train throughout the rest of the year. We’ll say more about this in future updates, but for now, feel free to join us by praying for one person you think may disagree with you about abortion. If you then start a conversation, let us know how it goes!

Will JFA Be Holding Any Training Events During COVID-19? Yes!

In addition, we’re experimenting with training formats which until now we haven’t needed to master: video conferencing and webinars. Susanna Dirks and I presented a webinar on March 21, and about 15 people attended. We were pleased that the participants found the event helpful. We plan to schedule more of these and will post the details at JFA’s Calendar page so you can participate. For those of you who have been waiting for JFA to come to your town for awhile, let’s talk about planning a webinar that would work for your schedule and ours! We’re excited to be able to help more people connect in this time when many are feeling extremely isolated and alone.

JFA Is Still Receiving Gifts By Mail and Online!

A JFA supporter recently asked, essentially, "Should I send my support check to a different address because of COVID-19?" We appreciated her concern for us and for making sure her gift made it to JFA, and we assured her she can definitely send her gift to the JFA office (113 N. Martinson St., Wichita, KS, 67203) with confidence that it will be received and processed. We so appreciate each of you who is continuing to give or making a new gift to JFA as you are able. (You can also give a gift online.) We understand this is a difficult time for many, and we are trusting God to sustain you and to sustain JFA.

A Word of Encouragement

Our team is focusing on trusting God through this time, and we are praying for you. We are praying for a strong immunity from this virus and that the virus would not affect your health. We are also praying for your work and your family and for a renewed sense of the peace that comes from the confidence that God is with you in Christ. This is our prayer for you, that in this time you will experience in a vivid way God’s presence with you. Thank you for praying for us as we continue our work training Christians to change hearts and save lives.

Warmly,

Steve Wagner

Executive Director

Pray for Conversations at Upcoming JFA Events

Rebekah Dyer, the newest staff member on the JFA Team, interacts with a University of Oklahoma student at the JFA Free Speech Board in early November. You can read one of her favorite conversation stories from this year here in JFA’s recent Impact R…

Rebekah Dyer, the newest staff member on the JFA Team, interacts with a University of Oklahoma student at the JFA Free Speech Board in early November. You can read one of her favorite conversation stories from this year here in JFA’s recent Impact Report.

Please pray for JFA as our team members prepare for upcoming events in Texas, New Mexico, and Kansas in the coming weeks. Pray for each person we will train and each person with whom we will converse at outreach, that God will help each to actively love every human being involved in unintended pregnancy.

  • Jan. 26 (Albion, MI): Interactive Workshop — First Baptist Church

  • Feb. 8 (Decatur, TX): Interactive Seminar — Father’s House Church

  • Feb. 9 (Denton, TX): Interactive Seminar — Redeemer Denton Church

  • Feb. 10-13 (Denton, TX): Staff Training Day and Outreach Events in North Texas

  • Feb. 17 (Albuquerque, NM): Interactive Workshop — University of New Mexico (UNM)

  • Feb. 23 (San Antonio, TX): Interactive Seminar — Trinity University (Private Event)

  • Feb. 24-25 (San Antonio, TX): University Outreach — Trinity University

  • Feb. 26-27 (San Antonio, TX): University Outreach — University of Texas at San Antonio (UTSA)

  • Mar. 3 (Wichita, KS): Presentation — St. Patrick Catholic Church

  • Mar. 7 (Richardson, TX): Interactive Seminar — University of Texas at Dallas

  • Mar. 8 (Denton, TX): Interactive Seminar — Location TBD

Featured Resource: Stephanie Gray Debate and Blog Post

We invite you to share our post referencing Stephanie Gray’s comment about belly buttons in her recent debate and in her piece, “The Greatest Love.”

Ask a friend to set aside the question of legality of abortion for a moment and engage a different set of questions: “Were we intended for abortion?” and “Or were we intended to give of ourselves and experience what it means to love?” and “Could all of us find common ground in the fact that our mothers engaged in a self-giving act of love when they gave birth to us, and could this be a light for us when we contemplate what we should do with unintended pregnancy and abortion?”

Featured Conversation Starter - Women Debate Abortion

This month, we encourage you to share with a friend the contrasting closing statements of two women in a recent debate about abortion in Mexico. After listening together to Mara Clarke and Stephanie Gray share their final thoughts, here are a couple of questions that can help you start a conversation with a friend:

  • What do you think of Mara’s and Stephanie’s statements?

  • With which one do you identify more?

A Gracious and Courageous Response

How to Help a Person Who Says, “You’re a Man, So Your Opinion Doesn’t Count.”

During our outreach events and around our society, a common phrase men hear is, “Abortion is a women’s issue, so be quiet!” Or, “You don’t have a uterus, so you shouldn’t weigh in.”

Many people say that men like Steve (grey) and Jeremy (blue), pictured here at UCLA, shouldn’t even weigh in on this discussion.

These assertions silence many men. Other men react to these assertions with anger. How should we respond?

This can be frustrating, especially if the person seems dismissive or arrogant. Over the years I’ve tried to carefully consider my response, rather than getting caught up in the emotions and being defensive. I could snap back with a quick answer or cower in silence, but I strive instead to be both sensitive and substantive in my response.

The challenge is the same as with other pro-choice statements: Faithfully explain the pro-life perspective while still reaching the person. That takes empathy and humility. What an opportunity to love another person!

While passionately defending the preborn we must show genuine love for the woman who may consider abortion, and also, especially with this objection, the person who believes men shouldn’t have a voice.

This can unfold in many ways because we are trying to reach each unique person, but I believe the following progression has the best chance for ultimate success—reaching the questioner and answering the objection. As with any assertion or argument, I would encourage you to employ JFA’s “Three Essential Skills” of asking questions, listening, and finding common ground. In this case, though, the order in which you use those skills is very important for showing that you genuinely care and aren’t just trying to return fire with fire:

Listen to understand (be attentive and show them you care):

  • Listen to reflect on their statements and not primarily to refute them. Show them you are listening by making good eye contact and clarifying their statements. Listen to their heart and their hurts.

Find common ground when possible:

  • “I can’t fully understand or experience what women are going through.”

  • “I admit up front that many women have been hurt by men and many men have been unhelpful in the way they discuss this topic.”

  • “Can we agree it’s important for men to speak out against rape, abuse, and mistreatment of others?”

Ask questions (information/clarification) with a calm and genuine attitude:

  • “What do you mean when you say I shouldn’t be involved?”

  • “Do you mean I can’t hold a substantive opinion, or do you mean that I shouldn’t make laws about this?”

Ask questions (ask for evidence) with a calm and genuine attitude:

  • “Granted, I can’t fully understand what a woman in an unplanned pregnancy is experiencing, but why does that mean I can’t hold a strong opinion or involve myself in the discussion?”

  • “Why do you believe I should not take a stand?”

  • “Why would you silence me if I am trying to care for someone I believe is in need?”

Ask questions (challenge gently; notice challenging comes late in the process):

  • “How are my ideas insufficient simply because of my gender if many women make the same arguments?”

  • “There are many situations about which I don’t fully understand the circumstances, but clearly I should still help. Should I as a white man have marched in the civil rights movement or risked ridicule on Freedom Rides for the sake of people who were different from me who were being treated very harshly?”

This progression may help this person to see that her dismissal of men is an unhelpful tangent (resembling sexism) rather than a substantive argument. If so, she may then be willing to move on to discuss arguments about human rights, just as if she had been talking to a woman who had made the exact same points as you.

If not, you need to remain gracious anyway. You must continue to be both calm and confident.

I suggest using a carefully-worded story to respond to the “You’re a man!” dismissal. Consider this story from my friend and colleague Tim Brahm:

“You’re absolutely right. I am a man, and I will never get pregnant. I can do my best to sympathize with women who experience unplanned pregnancies, but I will never really know what they’re going through. Let me ask you kind of a weird question, bear with me. Imagine I go fishing at the lake. I’m having a great time fishing, and then I see her [pointing to a female pro-life volunteer] about twenty yards away. I notice that she is pushing her car into the lake. Well that’s weird, why would she do that? Then I look in the back seat, and I notice there’s a two-year-old child in the car. Now, I’m a man. I’ve never been pregnant. I’ve never been a mother. I will never know what she is going through. We could even change the scenario by making her child a newborn and saying that she has postpartum depression, something I as a man could never experience. But even though I can’t understand what she’s going through, shouldn’t I try to do something to save that kid?” (Read the rest of Tim’s helpful discussion in his November 5, 2015 post at the Equal Rights Institute blog.)

This carefully crafted story can help those with whom you disagree to realize that not only can men be advocates—they should be advocates. Why? Because the preborn are human beings like toddlers.

Psalm 82:3-4 and Proverbs 24:10-12 urge us to care for the weak. And 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 says, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love.” (ESV)

It stands to reason that men can engage this discussion, but the point is much stronger than that — we must! Men need to abound with intentionality, empathy, support, and sound arguments clothed with grace. We have to be alert and ready to serve, a compassionate and compelling voice in all our spheres of influence.

I echo what abortion survivor, Gianna Jessen (left), said in her House Judiciary Committee hearing (9/9/15),

“Do not tell me this is only a women’s issue. It takes both a man and a woman to create a child. And to that point I wish to speak to the men listening to me. You are made for greatness. You were born to defend women and children, not to use and abandon us, nor sit idly by while you know we are being harmed, and I am asking you to be brave.”

Further Resources:

What Does a Virtuous Mother Do?

When I read my friend Stephanie Gray’s blog post, “The Greatest Love” (Nov. 18, 2019), I was struck by her behind-the-scenes look at preparing to participate in the La Ciudad de las Ideas debate which took place in Mexico in early November, reaching tens of thousands. I wanted to share the story with you.

First, I suggest watching the final few minutes of the debate (inset below). Then, read Stephanie’s post which begins below.

As you watch the debate segment and read Stephanie’s post, I encourage you to set aside for a moment the question, “How should we argue against legal abortion?” Although Stephanie is talking about a woman’s body and speaking in the context of a debate about legality, she’s not directly addressing the topic of bodily rights, per se, and her comments go deeper than legality. (For help with arguments about bodily rights and legality, see our “It’s Her Body” Series.)

Note how Stephanie’s comment in the debate appears when juxtaposed against the comments of the pro-choice panelist who speaks just prior. Stephanie cuts through the rhetoric of choice to focus the audience on the question, “What does a virtuous mother do when confronting an unintended pregnancy?” Sadly, that question is often lost or ignored. Stephanie helps recalibrate us, and her perspective might even transform the conversation. It’s worth sharing.

Without further comment from me, then, please click the video below to watch the final few minutes of the debate. (The video should begin playing at 1:55:00. If it doesn’t, move the slider to find that spot in the video or click here.)

Now that you’ve watched the video segment, read Stephanie’s post:

What would you do if, while waiting for a subway train to arrive, you noticed a seizuring man fall onto the tracks? To Wesley Autrey the answer was clear: Jump onto the tracks and help him.

And on January 2, 2007, that’s what he did. Except Autrey wasn’t just helping a man in need. He was putting himself in danger. Because as the fallen man convulsed on the tracks, the lights of an oncoming train flashed before them.

Autrey couldn’t get the man off the tracks in time. But rather than abandon him, Autrey laid on top of him, protecting the young man’s flailing body with his lanky frame. And then train cars came.…

(Keep reading the remainder of Stephanie’s blog post at the Love Unleashes Life Blog.)

More from Stephanie Gray at Love Unleashes Life

For more from Stephanie about the debate, we suggest seeing her six-minute debate highlights video and an 11-minute interview she did after the debate which gave her a chance to reflect on the debate and clarify some ideas she wasn’t able to clarify in the debate due to the format.

Pray for the JFA Team and Those We’ve Met on Campuses This Month

Please pray for JFA as our team plans and prepares for upcoming events in 2020. Pray for each person we have trained recently and each person with whom we have conversed at outreach, that God will help each to actively love every human being involved in unintended pregnancy.

  • Oct. 31 (Del City, OK): Interactive Seminar — Christian Heritage Academy

  • Nov. 3 (Norman, OK): Presentation & Interactive Seminar — Trinity Baptist Church

  • Nov. 4-5 (Norman, OK): Exhibits and Dialogue — Univ. of Oklahoma

  • Nov. 9 (Wichita, KS): Interactive Workshop — Kansans For Life Convention

  • Nov. 17-19 (Tucson, AZ): Interactive Seminar, Exhibits, & Dialogue — Univ. of Arizona

  • Nov. 26 (Wichita, KS): Interactive Seminar — Regan Institute

  • Dec. 2 (Fairfax, VA): Exhibits and Dialogue — George Mason University

JFA's "Extending Your Learning" Resource Library

Featured Resource for Equipping Yourself:

We invite you to explore the wide array of resources available at JFA’s Extending Your Learning webpage. Read articles from JFA’s own Interactive Guide, access scholarly articles on fetal development through convenient links, and watch videos of dialogue artists in real conversations. Prepare for common questions and objections including “Does the Bible Say Anything About Abortion?” “What if the Mother’s Life Is in Danger?” “Is Abortion Legal Through All Nine Months?” and “Abortion Should Be Legal Until the Unborn Is Viable.” If you haven’t explored the vast resource library on JFA’s website, Extending Your Learning is a great place to start.

On-the-Street Interviews about Unplanned Pregnancy and Abortion

Featured Conversation Starter:

We invite you to start a conversation by watching The Voices Docuseries with a friend or family member. On a road trip through five U.S. cities, our friends at Voices for the Voiceless filmed over 130 on-the-street interviews of people sharing stories of unplanned pregnancy and abortion. The videos they compiled from these interviews can help you start a conversation with common ground. After watching, ask your friend for his or her reflection on what you saw together. If you have a chance to share, start by expressing empathy with specific circumstances that were discussed in the interviews. Consider asking, “What do you think are good solutions to these specific struggles? Do you think abortion is a good solution? Why or why not?”

Pray for Recent and Upcoming JFA Events

Our JFA team recently spoke to 212 middle school and high school students throughout a day at St. Mary’s Colgan in Pittsburg, Kansas. A recent reflection from JFA’s Director, “The Disappearing NFL,” explains one way we sought to help these students understand the reality of abortion.

Please pray for the health of our trainers in this season of travel. Pray for each person we train and each person with whom we converse at outreach, that God will help each to actively love every human being involved in unintended pregnancy.

  • Michigan: Interactive Workshops in Four Michigan Cities (10/1, 10/24, 10/27, 10/30)

  • Kansas: Equipping Events in Pittsburg & Outreach at Pittsburg State University (9/29-10/2)

  • Texas: Interactive Workshop at University of Texas at San Antonio (10/5)

  • Louisiana: Presentation for Friends of a Supporter (10/9)

  • Colorado: Four Interactive Seminars in Four Days in Three Cities (10/10-10/13)

  • Virginia: Outreach at George Mason University (10/21)

  • Oklahoma: Two Interactive Seminars & Outreach at University of Oklahoma (10/31-11/5)

  • Kansas: Workshop for Kansans for Life Conference (11/9)

  • Arizona: Interactive Seminar & Outreach at University of Arizona (11/17-11/19)

VIDEO Resource: CK's Conversation at CSU

Watch the recently-released JFA outreach clip, “Abortion: Should We Legislate Morality?” to prepare for your conversations. This 8-minute dialogue footage from Colorado State University features former JFA trainer CK Wisner. Watch as CK patiently listens to a CSU student who feels conflicted about her position on abortion. CK artfully prompts this student to explore questions with her including, “When are we human?” and “What is the basis for human rights?” After eagerly discussing these biological and philosophical questions, the student turns to the topic of legality, asking CK about “imposing” one’s beliefs on others. This video touches on several topics in a short period of time. Use it as a springboard for further study, or use it as a springboard for your own conversation by sharing it with a friend.